Thursday, December 9, 2010

I guess the only thing cheap to you was your friends

I’ve realized long before that friendships kind of have an expiry date. Sure, some of them can go longer than a Twinkie while others will be done before the milk is gone in your fridge, however, the sad and enviable truth is that friendships do end.

The question is, when is it enough?

When do you let go?

I have a bit of a tendency to let relationships last longer than they should. This of course, does not apply just to boyfriends, but also to friendships. I try to remember the good times, I try to keep things alive and more often than not the relationship tends to crumble away. It’s hard to let things go, especially with someone you’ve put so much trust, love, affection, work into. Relationships, while friendly or more than do take work and they take work from both sides. This is sometimes a fact that we forget, or perhaps take advantage of. You always believe your friends will have your back, until they don’t. 

Unfortunately hanging on for those few extra months doesn’t ever help. Feelings build up and anything that was memorable, anything that was salvageable or good about the relationship soon sours into a mixture of resentment, anger, abandonment and loss.

Or maybe that’s just me.

So is it better to get out while you can? To keep those few distant happy memories alive and let those be the last you remember? Or do you hold onto the gritty end and let things ebb and self destruct. Does it make you feel any better looking at the burned hole of a once happy and fulfilling friendship?

Looking back at a lot of the friendships I’ve made over the past years, it’s much harder to remember the good times rather than the bad. I’ve often let these friendships slowly grow more and more destructive rather than severing ties. I’ve been afraid of being alone, afraid of loosing these people that I’ve come to trust and love. I always worried that if I gave up too soon that I’d constantly live with the what if? What if they suddenly became that person they once were. The person that I became friends with. What if we could go back to how things were? What if? 

Friendships do end. Sometimes naturally and sometimes not. I realize that people grow out of each other, circles change, interests change and sometimes you just loose touch. There’s not that one thing holding you together anymore, whether it’s work, school, a mutual friend, a significant other. However, why do we seem to believe it’ll last beyond those circumstances and why do we try so hard to keep things the same? Why do we try to kid ourselves that this is something that transcends circumstance.

When can you accept that maybe we’re just not into each other anymore?

Is it at the first signs of a possible crumble? When they cancel on you for the first time or when something else comes up. Or do you let it become a more constant thing?

Yes, I’ll admit that I’m not a perfect friend. I have been known to fall deeply into relationships. When it’s nice, new and honeymoon-y it can certainly be hard to tear yourself away from that person. I’ve also been known to be a bit flakey, although with health issues and a tendency to shy away from group activities this is not exactly surprising to those close to me. I understand that things come up, school, work, relationships, friends. However, when you can make time for other people, when you manage to clear your schedule for this person or that, is it worth even bothering? Which, I guess, makes it even hard to pin point when the best time is to get away. To pack up that emotional baggage and just try to hold onto those fond memories.

Do you accept the lies? Do you confront them? Or is it just easier to cut your losses and accept that this chapter is done.

I guess, in some ways, friendships can be harder to end than relationships. We try to let our friends get away with a lot more. There’s a definite grey area involved in them, especially when one friend views the friendship differently than the other.

So when is it that we can say that enough is enough? How much can you give before you throw in the towel?

I guess this all springs up from the various friendships that I have and the small or bigger cracks that have been springing up from these “friendships”. Friends who prefer other people’s company, who treat you like a third wheel, who have crazy significant others, who are just plain ungrateful...

Where do you draw the line?

Or do you just start over, burn it all down and salt the earth?

1 comment:

  1. There aren't really any hard drawn lines or a an easy mark telling us when to continue or end a friendship. It's a attribute that can't be easily measured, as convenient as that would be. As you said, some friendships just end naturally. Others get closer while some fall to the way side. You can't quantify it. Ultimately, they are what they are. You'll have your close friends, the people that you "know" and everyone in between. Each one of them will shift up and down the those categories. I guess that's just how it works.