Monday, February 7, 2011

And if you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied. I'm without you.

I haven't always had the best musical taste. 

I mean, everyone goes through their phases. Like most girls that were born in the 80s, I will admit that I did get involved in the great boy band debate (n*sync baby!) and yes, I fully wanted to believe in GIRL POWER! and have platform boots, short skirts and had a favourite Spice Girl (Baby). 

However, like most kids growing up, as soon as I hit high school I wanted to shun anything that seemed too "kiddie" and move on to more "adult" things. It was shortly after meeting my first boyfriend (a musician, natch) that I deemed myself 'above' pop music. I was fueled by my teenage desire to be 'cool' and be able to set myself above others and gain special membership into some sort of secret, cool, clique.  

Since then, I like to think that I'm a little more open to music. I like to believe I managed to stop being a teenager and judging people solely on their musical tastes. I like to believe I've grown enough as a human being to not turn up my nose because someone loves the new Katy Perry song or that you're into polka music. There's plenty of other people who can do that job far better than little ol' me.

I also want to think that I've become a lot more interested in genres of music as well. Sixteen year old me had her nose too far up her own ass to really see what else was there. She would have scoffed if you mentioned Jay Z, B.I.G., Dr. Dre or 2Pac. She would have shunned you at the mere mention of Brandy, O Town or Eden's Crush. 

Yeah, don't bother to say it. Sixteen year old me was a pretentious twat.

But aren't most teenagers?

However, despite my varied music history there has always been one thread that has tied everything together: heartbreak. 

I love break up songs. 

Hate-filled, regretful, sorrow, bitter, angry, sad, upset... 

I guess this is when I really love music. I love it's ability to get under your skin. The way it can hit you like a gut punch, it can send shivers up your arms... That there can be that one song that just hits you. That there are lyrics that will forever mean something to you. That they can take everything you're feeling, every ugly emotion and make it into something beautiful. 

Break up songs are the epitome of this. They capture the spectrum of emotions that you go through when you have your heart broken. They can be anything you need: a shoulder to cry on, a wise cautionary tale, a protective friend, the girl who you can be bitter with. They can capture every tear, every broken moment, every desire, every hateful thought and the sorrow, the longing and turn it into something beautiful and universal. 

Love songs are nice, but I always found break up songs more interesting, more beautiful... Perhaps it's twisted, perhaps it's just my cynical side but I found that I take solace in music more often when I'm at my worst than when I'm at my best. I turn to musicians, to soundtracks, to guitars, vocals, pianos when I need to get through something. I delve into someone else's world, someone else's pain and know that I'm not alone in the world. They've gone through the same pain, the same loss, the same regrets and longing and they spin it into this perfectly catchy or haunting or beautiful piece of work. This piece of art. 

And so I thought that seeing as one of my good friends is going through this, I'd dedicate my top ten favourite break up songs to her. 

R, I don't know if you read this but if you do, know that you'll move on. Grieve, be upset, be angry, be bitter but...take solace in this. Know we love you, we think you're an amazing, incredibly talented, creative, bright young woman (and hot piece of ass) and that when love does come knocking, I know you'll be ready, willing and able. I'm always in awe at your ability to bounce back from everything that life has thrown at you and that you're always looking forward, looking to the future with this perfect optimism. You'll find your Prince Charming--probably where you least expect him to be. And he'll be worthy of you. 

Until then, it's time to get the ugly cry on. 

*Note: These are just the top ten I can think of right now and are not in any particular order. 

You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette

"It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?"

Jude Law and a Semester Abroad - Brand New

"And if you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied
I'm without you"

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson/Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake

"You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again" - Since U Been Gone

"You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone" - Cry Me a River

I Gave You All/ White Blank Page - Mumford and Sons

"But you rip it from my hands
And you swear it's all gone
And you rip out all I have
Just to say that you've won" - I Gave You All

"You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections" - White Blank Page

Leave - Glen Hansard

"But you won't disappoint me
I can do that myself"

I'm Not Your's - Angus and Julia Stone

"You're the only one that wants me around
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I"

Angel and the One - Weezer

"It's not my destiny to be the one that you will lay with
So many reasons why I have to go but want to stay here"

Let it Die - Feist 

"Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss 
And see this for what it is 
That we're not in love 

The saddest part of a broken heart 
Isn't the ending so much as the start"

Delicate - Damien Rice

"So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed"

Someone Like You - Adele

"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead""

"Love is happiness, but only when you believe it will last for ever."

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