Saturday, April 2, 2011

I'm another day late and one year older.

I guess this blog wouldn’t be me without me forgetting/missing my one year anniversary. I’d like to say I’m fashionably late but even that might be a bit presumptuous.

That’s right, “Bitter is the New Black”, is officially and belatedly a whole year old. Happy (belated) one year to me!

It’s odd to think of something like this as reaching a milestone.  Writing has been something that I’ve been doing for almost a third of my life now and feels almost as natural as breathing or shopping or eating chocolate. However, maintaining something so consistent, so firm and keeping everything published—flaws, mistakes, blemishes and all, is something of an accomplishment for me.

I won’t lie—I’m a little excited and proud that I’ve made it this far. I started this project as something to distract me from my break up with C. It was something to let me organize my thoughts, get out of my head and get those thoughts down onto virtual paper. I like to think I’ve kept a semi-decent balance of both my opinions and some of my personal issues that has occurred over the past year. I mean, I think that’s one of the reasons I’ve been able to be consistently proud of what I’ve put out.

Another reason is that I tend to get invested into projects very easily and passionately---only to drop them a couple of weeks later. A year? That’s something of a record for the girl who lacks an attention span.
I guess it’s time for the obligatory “look back” on my life here.

Obviously my life has changed in a lot of ways. As much as it doesn’t seem like it changes or shifts at all, being able to reflect back on my life in 2010, I can say without a doubt it’s changed a lot from where I am right now. Some of those changes were of course, for the better and some, not so much. Either way, I’ve had a lot of things put in front of me to deal with or to learn how to deal with.

I’ve learned a lot, not only about myself and what my thought process sometimes comes down to be but also as a budding writer. I’ve found how much consistent writing has been able to develop my prose in ways I never thought possible. I was pretty rusty starting this blog, having been out of the writing game for quite a long time previously. However, being able to write on a semi-weekly basis has really polished up a lot of my bad grammar habits and allowed me to play around with things. Sure, it’s not perfect—hardly will ever be, but I’ve found that my thoughts, my posts are a little more consistent in quality now and can only develop further from here on out.   

I’ve also grown.

When I started this blog I was broken hearted. I was shy, mistrusting, extremely cynical and bitter. My best friend was on the other side of the world; my other best friend wasn’t the best at dealing with emotions. This boy that I thought I could build my life with, who seemed like such a /nice/ guy had ripped out a piece of me. I was lost, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I just went from point a to point b and back again. Work, home, work, home, out with friends.

Now I write as a slightly different person. There’s still that jaded sense of self there, that wariness of new people but I think that I’m a bit more trusting, willing to push myself to do more, to be better, to reach my goals. I write as someone who’s incredibly happy in a new relationship with the last person she expected to be with but enjoying every sappy second of it. I’m someone who’s less afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve and make future plans with someone. Someone who’s found her path, who’s working towards it and who knows what she wants in life—at least slightly and knows what the next step is if not the next five.
I’m someone who’s trying to figure herself out, being mature enough to know it’s always a work in progress and learning—slowly, that sometimes you just need to be okay with how and who you are. People are going to call you names, label you as something, lash out at you. I’m slowly allowing myself to not let it hurt me as much.

So, with that in mind, I write as someone who has really enjoyed what she’s learned this past year, for all the problems and for all the stress and anxiety, I’ve known that this is a place I can come back to. With one year finished I can only say ‘here’s to another and five more after that.’ 

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on the one year. To many more in this form or another <3