Yeah, it’s kinda a general/lame statement but I can definitely say that the friends I have now are very different than the ones I had back in elementary, in high school and even within the last few years.
And that’s not to say that they’re different in the sense that I’ve changed over the years. That my tastes have evolved/gotten better/aren’t so lame is of course, without a doubt true. However, what I mean to say that not only are the groups of people I chose to associate myself with are different, but how I view friendship and the friends I have has changed as I have.
I guess it’s enviable.
Often friendships are based out of a common hate, common interest or common social sphere. There comes a point where you gather those friends and these places and common interests and manage to pick and chose. It also helps that you’re able to develop cognitive thought and conversation around something beyond: “I like ponies and the colour purple, let’s be friends.”
Had you told me even three years ago this would happen, that eventually I’d be able to be the one who chose the people I surrounded myself with, I’d tell you to shut the hell up.
Growing up with not a lot of good or close friends has definitely made me cherish and value those relationships around me, especially as of late. Sure, I’ve always been jealous of those people who had the solid group of friends that has transcended high school. The groups you see that have these very tight knit and like minded individuals that fit into your life. Now, I still may be a little jealous of those types of friendships--but I guess the fact that I cannot keep a relationship beyond two years has just become something I’ve grown use to. However, despite that initial jealousy I’m so grateful to be able to have all these social groups, these people who I can hang out with for different purposes. Sure, it would make things like my birthday or any large social gathering a little awkward but I’ve almost prided myself in an ability to blend into different social circles. Which, when the drama starts--and it almost always does, is extremely beneficial when you need to get away.
Now, having said all that, having the ability to pick and chose I like to think that I’ve picked a decent set of friends. I won’t blow my horn too much here (that’s what she said) but I do think that I do a damn good job of being a friend. Yes, I work at it and yes, I’m ever so grateful for the fact that I’ve had these people put up with me for any span of time and yes, I realize that I can be more difficult than most. However, once you win my friendship, I like to think that I kick ass.
Name a role that a friend plays and I’ve probably done it. Mover? Check. Cheerleader? Check. Counselor? Check. Bank? Check. Shoulder to cry on? Check. Date? Check. The list goes on and on. Friends often put on multiple hats and I enjoy being there for the people I care about.
I guess this was recently brought to my attention when I had noticed that two of my friends had slipped beneath my radar. I had been told that both would be busy and hadn’t expected much. However, as I told someone, I generally do check ins. I’ll do a random text or e-mail to check in with friends. I try to keep up to date with those in my life as much as possible. I am aware of people’s thoughts and feelings and try to make room in my schedule for any one of them. I hadn’t thought it much of a big deal and figured most friends were quite similar in this regard.
I guess this is when you say I become too emotionally invested. And yes, I did receive the beat down for that. I get it, people have different definitions and reactions to friends. To me, these people are people I want to share my life with and despite however busy or stressed I am, I will make that time to sit down for a coffee or spend the five extra seconds it takes to text message someone. To me, these people are worth it and I admire each and every one of them. I’ve been told that yes, I do get too emotionally involved with relationships and people but I don’t know any other way. I wouldn’t be the type of person I am without that.
To the gushy part.
I like to believe that with my semi-decent status as friend that I like to surround myself with people who deserve it. I admire my friends for so much and despite how much they may annoy me or how much I vent about them (to each other no less), at the end of the day I can always have that one thing that makes me love them, or admire or genuinely care for.
Even those who aren’t considered my closest friends are people who I can relate to and enjoy their company. A fact that has taken some serious growing up to realize. A younger me would have thought that everything was black and white and that if they’re not spending x amount of time with me than we weren’t really friends. This older me, this slightly grown up version feels that even if it’s for the ten random text messages or the once a month that you see them that these people still are friends and they still value me, even if we don’t hang out every day. There’s always that connection.
So this post really boils down to a way of saying thanks to those people who are in my life. As well as a way to share what I love about them in a typical me-way (without their knowledge). I don’t do sap, I don’t do typical romance stuff. I like the down to the earth and lets be honest here, I run from commitment and gush like the road runner and Wile E. Coyote.
C (who has been upgraded from X due to circumstances, I think he deserves it). I admire his dedication, his loyalty, his sense of humor, his ease. He has taught me so much over the last year, both about friends, about myself and about relationships and he did so with such a patient and loving manner. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.
G. I admire his mind. His thought process, his want to always grow and challenge himself. I wish I had his ability to withdraw, to think things through, to stop being so spur of the moment. Also his patience with me. It took a lot to get
to where we’re at and I really admire his bravery in handling it. A lot--if not every one would have been too afraid or too annoyed to go that distance and I really love that he saw something that made it worthwhile. Something I didn’t even see.
M. I love her quirks. Her ability to be laid back. To not get jealous. To be herself and say fuck you to anyone who doesn’t like it. The self confidence she has, her memory for random quotes. I love the way she takes care of me in her own motherly way, knowing when the push and when to hold back. Despite what people may think, there’s a lot of intuitiveness behind her and she reads people a lot better than a lot of us give her credit for.
R. I envy her creativity. Her eternal optimism. The fact that she has been able to maintain being a romantic at heart, despite the set backs of a regular girl in her twenties.