Tonight I start the fire; Tonight I break away

July hasn’t been the easiest month. I’m approaching a milestone that I’m nowhere close to being ready for. My original birthday plans were quickly squashed due to family obligations. Our original plans to get out of the city were cancelled abruptly due to unforeseen circumstances. All that added to a job I loathed and the subsequent stress, anxiety and depression that stemmed from it. To say it wasn’t necessarily the best way to kick off the summer would be an understatement.

Me, I'm a Creator; Thrill is to make it up

“It’s why a writer writes, I guess; it’s because they can. That’s the most effective way they can express themselves.” – Tommy, Indie Game: The Movie.

This quote was the biggest thing that stuck with me after watching Indie Game: The Movie, a documentary following the creation of three major indie games. It’s definitely a movie I would recommend to anyone, but especially to those who are interested in creativity and the process of completing a finished product.

The film makers were able to capture all the highs, lows, frustrations and self-doubt that many artists go through in their quest to the finish product. I think it’s something anyone could relate to, whether your choice medium is photography, writing, drawing, sculpting—any art really.

And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope

“What are you good at?”

It’s a loaded question to be sure. Unfortunately it’s also one of the first ones out of people’s mouths when you start whining about what you should do with your life—as I’m becoming want to do.

Every time I try, it opens up my eyes.

I quit my job.

It’s a terrifying realization when I think about it.

I have no job, no interviews, no connections and a bit of entitlement in regards to my worth that prevents me from finding the first McDonalds to apply to. Not only that, but my savings are rather small and as we all know, money doesn’t stretch very far.

Horror-scopes

Leo (July 23-August 22)

The path you’re on might not be what you thought it would be, but that doesn’t have to mean it can’t wind up where you want it. Yes, time for some long-term, planning and strategy to happen, as it’s the perfect week to start your personal revolution and start living up to the ideals in your head in a more real way. 

I wish I could believe

I was born a night owl.

I, I love you like a love song baby.

I want to be loved like Joshua Jackson loves Diane Kruger.

It's always summer in my heart and in my soul.

Summer and I have a love/hate relationship. 

That is, I love summer until around August when the heat settles in and seems never ending. Then all I can crave is rainy mornings, falling leaves and cute sweaters.

No one ever said I wasn't fickle.

Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Old hope, got stuck in your throat

As someone who is almost a Type A personality, who takes things way too seriously, and has a mother who has to be part hoarder, it’s incredibly hard for me to let things go. Whether they be material objects, past arguments, bad relationships or expectations, it always a challenge.  

The dog days are over

New beginnings. 

That's what I promised myself would happen by May. 

Baby she look like a star but only on camera

Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments

Procrastination seems to be the name of the game lately.

With school winding down, a new job to hunt for and multiple promises to “hang out sometime” with various friends that I’ve been avoiding for the past 8 months, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed. So, in typical me fashion, I’ve decided to add more on my plate instead of dealing with what’s already there. It’s like peas, maybe if I ignore them long enough they’ll disappear??

Smart, I know.

And they sayin' I'm back, I'd agree with that; I just take my time with all this shit, I still believe in that

Oh, hello there.

Yes, I’ve been away. Stop looking at me like that.

I wish I had stories of amazing adventures, of glamorous outings, of fun and crazy shenanigans. Unfortunately all I have is paperwork, a soon to be certificate and stress. On the bright side… No student loans!

With spring comes graduation and hopefully more reliable and frequent posts—and cuter outfits!

xo

My life right now - as quoted by Tina Fey

"I didn't have the language to express my feelings then, but my thoughts were something like "Oh, it's like that, motherfucker? Got it."

Pillow Talk: The work edition

Me: "So she texts him to go to ikea. By themselves. No mention of me, y'know. The girlfriend."
Him: "Well she does like them cute and smart."
Me: "Well maybe we should add single to that mix!"

Things around the interwebs...

Remind you of anyone? 

Link here.

Look how you want me now, that I don't need you

Friendships after relationships are tricky business. 

A lot of people will say that you can't be friends with someone you slept with. Or had a relationship with. There's plenty of rules and definitely plenty of opinions on it. Ask one person and they'll say some of their closest friends are their exes, ask another person and they'll say that you could never be "just friends." 

Who's your daddy?

Growing up without a father is usually a non-issue. 

When I was younger I had my share of girls--usually new acquaintances, asking me what it was like. However, if you know no different, how can you describe what it's like? I could no more describe what it was like growing up without one as they could describe what it felt to grow up with one. 

I was a heavy heart to carry; My beloved was weighed down

Anyone who's been through a sort of trauma knows that there's a chance of relapsing. Whether that's picking up that addiction, slipping into negative thoughts, pleading with an ex-lover... whatever the case may be, it's always a very real scenario and a very easy stumble back into a life that you just fought your way out of.

It's a little ironic I suppose, after re-reading my last blog post that everything seemed so easy, so final. The words I read there are ones from a girl with more self confidence. A girl who weathered the storm and who came on the other side. Yeah, she may be a little more scarred, a little bruised but she made it through and she was proud.